Riding lessons - feelings of nausea!

[chickflick1066]

I don't know what it is but the thought of having a riding lesson makes me feel positively sick. I had lessons booked right up till the end of the summer hols but have cancelled all after a horrid lesson 2 months ago...I haven't been in a lesson situation since...and even schooling is bad enough!

The last consisted of me riding with a friend who can ride her more advanced horse (school wise, he's only 6)...I felt the lesson was directed at her and I was left to fend for myself. My horse was a wreck, headshaking every two seconds and I felt a shambles when my RI asked me to get Stumps to 'come round' and I just couldn't do it.

It was a horrid lesson. I didn't fall off, nothing major happened, it's just that I never feel like I can achieve anything, if it's not my position its my horse napping in the corners...its a nightmare.

Basically, I need some advice about how to get back on board and start 'riding' my horse again without feeling a failure everytime I get on board:

[greydales]

You need to find an instructor who is sympathetic to you. There is no point asking you to 'come round' whatever that means - without explaining how! Some instructors may be able to ride well but are not good at teaching.

Ask around your horsey friends to see if there is anyone they recommend, and get yourself a one-to-one lesson. Having a good instructor and one you can relate to is half the battle!

[flintfootfilly]

Oh bloomin' 'eck. Some instructors have a LOT to answer for! If your instructor made you feel like you weren't achieving anything, then I'd say go with the feelings that you had during that lesson, and find an instructor who is better able to help you and your pony. No instructor should make you feel like that.

Whether you do this with an instructor or by yourself, one thing I find useful is to chunk down my bigger goals into smaller, more easily achievable tasks that I can work on with my pony. That way you really notice when you and your pony take even the smallest step towards one of your bigger goals. Helps me stay a lot more positive that we're on the right track.

It's too easy to be very self-critical especially without the support of a good instructor, whereas when you find the right one for you, they should be able to help you recognise the good things that you and your pony are achieving at each stage, as well as those areas you need to work on.

I'd agree with Jill too. Sounds like a 1:1 lesson would be really worthwhile, so that you have the chance to really talk about things with your instructor, and know that they are focusing on you and your pony the whole time.

Good luck.

Sarah

[fran]

i agree with jill and sarah! 1-1 is expensive but just might get you back on track. i am quite a wimp at most things BUT, when it comes to instructors i think i have tried just about all of them in harrogate. adopt the opinion your horse, your money, your time, and you deserve as good as anyone else gets. at the mo i feel everyone on my yard seems to be really moving on except me, and have become very despondent of late. havnt had a lesson for 3 weeks. then tonight major breakthrough...couldnt even get any flexion on a shallow loop, so instructor got on and to cut a long story short it all came right in the end. point is why didnt she get on and show me all this before, i was about to give up on her. then she says that with the problems sam has she is not surprised that i have been struggling with his canter. (she has been teaching me for 6 months) don't worry about the last inst you had, try another, and another and....however many it takes until you find someone you click with. by the way i have two inst - not recommended by some people but although they work differently i get something from both, like i said the one tonight nearly didnt get a recall lol

good luck
karen

[c2b]

I have to say I totally agree with everyone else...... an instructor that works with YOU is essential. I had one who had her own agenda and I wasn't learning "fast" enough. She kept telling me I would never get anywhere. She was charging me £23.50 for 30 mins of put downs......then I found out she wasn't even qualified.!!! All this at one of our supposedly best RS. I stopped having lessons for ages because I felt I just couldn't do this and would never get the hang of it. I now have an unqualified, very experienced young woman who comes to me and is fantastic. Since she has been coming I have been improving (or feel I am ;D). I don't care if we are not improving fast enough there is plenty of time. We have lots of laughs and it's fun. I look forward to them.

[billbow]

I agree with everything that has been said already. Life is too short to feel bad about yourself while you are learning new things. If the instructor makes you feel bad then she is not the one for you. Find another one quickly - it's a bit like getting back on after a fall - don't think about it too much - just try another - and another - until you find one that is right for you and your pony. Good luck!

[jet]

Definitely go out and "vet" a few instructors. Keep going 'til you find the one that you gel with. After all you are paying her wages so don't let her intimidate you. There are some brilliant instructors out there,it's just a case of finding the right one. Don't give up,you'll get there with a good and sympathetic teacher.

[The Moo]

I haven't had a lesson for ages, absolutley ages, as I get really nervous for them, try to hard and end up in a downward spiral but I now need to get my riding back up together so am looking for the right instructor.
We have lots that come to the yard for other people and there is always one who is flavour of the season but lots who I know I wouldn't like to teach me.
Lessons are expensive so you have to feel that you are with the right person.

[chickflick1066]

Thanks for all the responses. I feel sorry for you lot, I've been going on a bit recently! Really appreciate the tips. I really need to have a word with a few RI's round here and just tell them how I am feeling!

I'll let you know how I get on.

[SuzieP]

Does anyone else have the experience that some RIs don't seem to see the pupil as the "customer" and behave as if it is they who are doing the pupil the favour by teaching them?

I do feel that the instructor/pupil relationship is very important - and we can't all get on with everybody. For me, it's important that I can laugh with my instructor - usually at myself - and that I trust her/him. I'm so lucky to have both with my present instructor - I trust her to know my limitations, so much so that when she asks me to push the boundaries a bit I will usually have a go. She will show me what she means - and in a class lesson if I stop to ask a question she'll either answer it there and then, or talk to me afterwards. I can't afford many private lessons, but I do feel that in a class lesson she gives individual attention, especially to those who make an effort to learn and try to get things right.

I think what I'm trying to say is, talk to the potential RIs first - see what their reaction is to you, see if they like Stumps (not all like natives) and take the time to get to know her too, see if they are sympathetic to your anxieties and encourage you to overcome them bit by bit. See if they smile at you and show an interest in your aims and objectives. Just because everyone else says what a brill teacher they are, or because they're well-known, doesn't mean that you will get on with them!

I remember going to a clinic run by a very famous natural horsemanship woman....I'd read her books and articles and was really looking forward to the evening. But I didn't warm to her at all and came away feeling very disappointed. Others were thrilled to bits and couldn't stop exclaiming about what they'd seen - I felt a right old cynical killjoy I can tell you! LOL

Good luck finding the right person...I hope you find someone soon. Don't be downhearted - it's just a matter of finding the right instructor to encourage you and your riding will come on in leaps and bounds I'm sure.

[merlinalison]

Yup - and in the past I've had lessons from instructors who have made comments such as "your legs need to be longer - they're just too short to wrap around the horse" - not helpful given that the length of my legs can't readily be altered, though my posiiton and how I apply them can, or my worst ever lesson (years ago) when I was trying a new riding school that had been recommended. I'd been completely honest about my ability and had told them i could walk trot and canter but that my position needed a lot of work. THey told me when to come. When I got to the stables I was just told "you're on Tanya get her and take her to the school." A parent of one of the others in the class took pity on me luckily and showed me where to find Tanya (this was a really rambling place with 8or 9 different stable blocks, the indoor school hidden away down a passage etc etc) and how to get to the school from her box. I then discovered (after the instructor-who hadn't identified herself or spoken to me at all- had yelled at me for mounting and waiting in the middle for instructions) I was expected to work in open order in trot and canter for the first 10 minutes doing an independent warmup and that the lesson she'd planned for the day involved 1/2 10 metre circles in canter with flying changes in the middle (way beyond me now, let alone then). When I explained the problem I just got bawled at ("Well this is the advanced class you know....)

Would it be possible for you to watch potential instructors giving lessons to others before you book one yourself? If they seem approachable and sympathetic, if the pupil is obviously having fun, and if you would be happy in the pupil's place then I would definitely consider lessons. If they appear bullying or make you feel glad you're not in the lesson, are disparaging about a pupil's horse or advocate methods/gadgets you feel uncomfortable with, walk away since chances are they would be like that with you too. I would also chat to a possible instructor before booking to tell them of your fears and what you want to get from your lessons. If they're not helpful or interested then they probably won't be the right instructor for you. (Of course you have to make allowances for them just not having the time to talk to you at that particular moment, but they should be able to give you a phone number you can call to discuss things at a more convenient time) Good luck

[julie]

Where abouts are you as there may be someone local that someone else knows about. Also the better the trainer often the more understanding they are.

Moo - when you want a lesson let me know and I can drag Jane over for you!

[chickflick1066]

Julie, i'm situated in South Bucks.

MerlinAlison: sounds like a lesson from hell.

Thanks for all the support guys, I really appreciated it

[Daftmare]

Something that always amazes me about RI's they can go to college become an instructor and yet have very little experience in real life so long as you can ride reasonably well on a riding school horse and have an in depth knowledge of how to build a muck heap you can become an AI! I have found that some of the best teachers I have had are people who aren't qualified some were but as an afterthought. I have one bloke who is a course builder one who is an ex eventer. They have real life experience of horses who arent pre programmed. Its always difficult to find someone you gel with personally I dont mind being hollered at if its justified but I would objec to someone who told me my horse wasnt up to it because he/she was the breed it was. (Its happened)! Ask about, sometimes they are right under your nose. If you know someone whos riding and horsemanship you admire ask them to give you a few tips. I rarely have lessons but when I do I like a long list of things to work on and then I can tick them off one by one. When your working your horse do as Sarah also suggested and try and achieve one thing and be open minded about how you get there what works for one horse wont always work for the next. Some you have to get really GRRR with and others you have to cajole and be a bit polite. As you have a mare its probably the latter! Good luck and keep hunting the right person wont be all that far away

[julie]

None of my instructors are qualified. One is classically trained and competed to medium advanced dressage and well as showing hunters at the HOYS. Another has just come back from training for 2 years with Monica Theodorescu in Germany (Olympic Level). he is just about to bring his horse out at PSG for its first comp. But neither are qualified. Yet a crap lady around the corner trained as a BHSAI 20 years ago and charges more than either of them for really bad lessons... I know who I would rather have!!!

Just go ask as a lot of private yards have comp riders who would happily help train you for a bit of extra cash. I know i am not yet a brilliant rider but I did 2 years as a groom on initially on a government training scheme at a dressage yard where most riders were at PSG and above on stupid money horses yet they all helped my with my highland pony and all rode her at some point for me. I just rang up and asked!